The Civil War of 2009.

The way I hear it told, the Civil War of 2009 started sometime during the year 2008. The Union (TrailMix) was full of mighty passionate folks. Day in and day out folks would drop to by to get off whatever was on their chests. Most times, Craig (Abe Lincoln) sat by quietly watching things. He would occasionally try to steer the Union in the right direction. Then, one day, a group of folks who felt under-appreciated decided to secede from the Union. "To hell with The Union!" they said in unison. We're gonna form our own nation! On that day, The Backchannel Blog (Confederacy) t'was born. They didn't have a real leader like Jefferson Davis, just a guy with a bowl of weed and a mission. He was gonna make this place a safe haven or wayward home for those who no longer felt welcome in The Union. Pretty soon, they had upwards of 10 people who belonged to The Confederacy. Once again, Craig (Abe) remained calm and quiet. Along the way, there were people who left The Union entirely. Some folks were well-liked and people were sad to see them leave. Luckily, some of these folks stopped by occasionally. The leader of the Confederacy went across enemy lines on a daily and nightly basis. He engaged in a great many battles. While this was noble, it often gave Union folks a very bad opinion of the Confederacy. You see, most Confederate folk were tired of all the fighting. They just wanted a quiet place to settle down. The battles that were fought by their assumed leader were frequent. No weapons were used in these battles other than harsh words and some of the usual name calling. At times, Craig (Abe) politely asked folks to think about the Union and to respect their fellow man. Occasionally this worked, but it never seemed to last very long. One day, they had this Gettysburgh-like battle between the leader of the Confederacy and some Union folks. It was only then that Craig (Abe) decided he had heard enough. He had to decide what he should do. Craig (Abe) thought to himself, "If I could keep the leader of the Confederacy here and save the Union, I will do it.. If I have to banish him to save the Union, I will do it." Craig (Abe) then had a meeting with the leader of the Confederacy. He asked for an unconditional surrender. Any and all claims to the Union were to be given up.
Craig (Abe) announced his decision to the people of the Union. There was great rejoicing. For the next few days, people were actually nice to each other and Craig (Abe) was their hero. He had saved the Union! However, a few days later, some folks from the Confederacy filed a complaint with the President of the Union. Two of their best and brightest soldiers led the charge. Some Union folk got mighty upset. "How dare these Confederates come into our home and threaten the sanctity of it! Go back to the Confederacy" they shouted. The war of words escalated, until the president of the Union intervened. "The war between the Union and the Confederacy is over!" he pronounced. "Let all be forgiven and forgotten!" he urged. One morning, people woke to a harsh reality, life as they knew it, changed. The Civil War had not only resulted in one man being banished from the Union....EVERYONE had been banished. Some folks hurriedly set up an alternative meeting place. "This was the fault of the others!" they cried. Hours went by, until the leader of the Union spoke. He left a 10 commandments guideline for all to follow and he re-opened the doors to the Union. It wasn't long after this that folks began to stir things up again. Folks asked for equal treatment of both Union folk and Confederates. Some people asked that people should "let bygones be bygones". Then somebody said, "FREE OUR LEADER! UN-BANISH HIM!"
Since most union folk considered him to be guilty of most of the crimes committed against the union folks, they got mighty upset. Verbal bombs were thrown across enemy lines. Folks waited for apologies, none came. All that had been said in these secret meetings that were held earlier in the day became "evidence" of un-provoked meanness. The battle raged on into the night with no end in sight. In the end, I don't think folks ever knew who won the Civil War of 2009. The number of casualties was mininal, but the emotional pain of the battle will probably have a long-lasting effect on those folks who were there. War is Hell, people.